Mommy Madness | Stop, Look and Listen (Bullying)

September 10, 2014

I look back once in a while and replay what happened in my life to remember the life lessons there. Or if I have time, like now, I reread what I wrote in m previous blog, and there was a topic I once wrote about, which kinda rocked me again to the core.

Bullying.



Experiencing the thing first hand for the majority of my childhood, I can say that it was not a pretty place to be in. I'll post for you guys what I wrote in my other blog first, but now, I'll be looking at it from a different perspective- That of being the parent, and looking out for the signs if your child is bullied or not, or if your child is the bully and what to do.

Excerpt from axons and dendrites(my old blog)http://www.chicmix.net/2017/07/something-perosnal-on-being-bullied-and.html

Before, when I was in the first grade, I was already labeled as one of those weird and "unspeakables" by my popular classmates, and well, at first it was no big deal for me. All I know those times is that I am weird therefore I am cool, unusual and different. Unfortunately, being labeled as such made other people judge my personality as someone who is irritable and I was feeling like everybody, even the teachers think I am this "she-who-must-not-be-befriended" because of this label. Come fourth to fifth grade, I got tired of this labeled me and I wanted to show everyone that I am a person, someone who can also get hurt and is hurting everytime I am teased.

The optimism really fades when you're growing up, and every single school day you face the same damn faces who have been tearing you down for around 5 years and counting. They say stuff about me like being too talkative, too silent, too much of a teacher's pet, although I never have received a really high grade. Hey, they are the ones who are in top in academics after all, it's just that I liked to study back then and there was too much curiosity in my mind that's why I talked to teachers often. They also say that I'm a social climber, although all I wanted was to be friends with them, and they're the ones who shunned me out.

This continued on until high school, and this is because my parents did not me to enroll to another school because it was either that or a public school... Now, when most people say that high school is the best, for me it's just mehhh... nothing special, in fact it's one of those eras of my life that I wanted to forget, along with the rest of my grade school life. Looking back, I see that I had made only 4 real friends, and in high school the only friends I ever made was the ones who are nice enough to see me beyond the label, and unfortunately, when they befriended me, the whole batch suddenly did not talk or befriend them as much. To what I heard, they even went to the extent of saying that if they will continue to be friends with me, they're not gonna be talking to them anytime soon.

That was the bullying that I underwent during my earlier years.

So, What had happened to stop the bullying? Nothing. Because even if I tried to talk to my parents, they would dismiss it cause they are friends with the other parents and they see their child as someone who would not do it. It really made me sad, and I swore that if and when I have kids, I'll try my best to help them if ever they are bullied. Or if ever they tend to become the bully.



So, how to do it? The same way we cross the rail road- we STOP, LOOK and LISTEN.



STOP

We should really really stop what we are doing once in a while, like working in front of the dining table for instance, or thinking about the next project your damned boss gave you cause he's too full of his ass to do it himself... AND give full attention to our kids. Yes, I know that we work for our children's future, but aside from focusing for the future, you should also focus on the now.

LOOK

Look for signs and symptoms, like maybe being too sad all of a sudden, or a sudden fluctuate in his/her grades, or maybe even being sent in the principal's office. Or anything different that may have been going on in your child. If you pay enough attention, you'll feel it cause everyone of us has that parental instinct within us, trust me. Think of it this way, maybe your child is sad cause someone had pushed him to the ground, or maybe labeled him/her and everyone else followed suit, or worse, being pushed to give up his baon that you worked hard to prepare cause of the threats that his/her classmate gave your kid.

Or maybe, if your child is sent to the principal's office for something that he allegedly did, it might be because he/she's looking for your attention cause you're too busy working hard for his/her future. Which brings us back to square one- STOP.

LISTEN

Listen, and I mean LISTEN. Not just make it look like you're listening while thinking about some other thing that's been worrying you like the bills or such, but listen and respond properly. You should be able to talk with your kids in a non aggravating manner- don't make them feel like it's their fault that they are experiencing it, or make them feel like you're scolding them cause of it. Believe me if I say you're lucky if your kid is quite open to you, but please, don't tarnish it by dismissing what they had told you cause it might be of immense importance to them. Plus, if you don't listen and respond, they might think to not open up to you again cause they see that nothing will happen, or that you don't really care to what they say.

What if your kid doesn't want to talk? Well then, maybe you can reach out to them. Try to make them feel that you'll be there for them no matter what happens and make them see that you're not a zombie, who's there physically but not in spirit. You can create a routine in your daily life, example would be when having a family dinner, where in there would be no gadgets, no bills, no frowns- just a happy and sincere talk about anything under the sun while eating. Happy Meal ika nga. :D

I hope that I helped someone out there... :D



xoxo,

Nicole

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4 comments

  1. You are so spot on with 'stop, look, and listen'. I didn't get bullied as a child if we're defining bullying as being assaulted physically or verbally....but just like you I was considered "strange" and that was because I really was born different, with intense passion over things other kids don't normally care about.

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  2. Thanks for your blog! We should share more of these and put an end to bullying.


    www.lifeofque.com

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  3. krystaline enecurls10 September 2014 at 18:05

    Na bully ako maraming beses since gradeschool gang hs.. and same here kahit kwinento ko di nahinto buti strong ako. Lols.. pero for sure.. a lot of parents and soon to be parents will benefit from your blog na ito.. lets put an end to bullying..

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  4. […] to their illness can make it even harder to recover. Their conditions are also made worse with the discrimination they experience not just from the society but from their families and friends as well. Recognizing this, Open Minds […]

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