Growing an Awesome and Better Mother and Daughter(or Son) Bond

September 12, 2016

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="640"]Mothers love Image from Taytana Tomisckova (flickr)[/caption]

A thought just occurred to me, which I know will hit most moms everywhere. We may wear a lot of caps, but these two are few of the most important:


  • A Mother to our Daughter/Son

  • A Daughter to our Mother


I now realize that this special bond should grow stronger in time, but as our children grow into teenagers, there will always be this misconception that make teenage girls, and especially guys afraid to open up to their mothers for fear of being misunderstood.

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Thinking of these facts of life, I saw a few flaws in my own relationship with my mom, which I would love, and am trying to rectify with her. And as I thought more, I reminded myself that I should also try harder with my own daughter and son. After all, moms are not only supposed to be moms and disciplinarians, but confidantes as well to their kids.

The thing is though, that just like plants and our child's physical growth, this bond needs to be nurtured. And it’s a matter of working diligently toward it.

If you want to build and maintain a wonderful mother daughter/son bond, here are four suggestions on how to do so:


Listen


When our little lady and gentleman talks, we have to start listening. Don't waste the opportunity when they open up what has happened in school this particular day. Take note of what he/she likes and dislikes, and ask of what is happening in their life. Cherish it because as this is happening, it means that our kids is looking for a friend in us. It's an awesome start to growing a positive relationship. Never ever turn them away because you are feeling exhausted or overwhelmed. Or if you are busy with work, make sure to set aside actual time later for talking.

Encourage and Support


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This one should be a given when it comes for our kids. Don't turn them down when they want to try something new. If they want to try theater acting, let them. If they want to go get ballet lessons, be in the basketball varsity (or in my case, Jenae wants to go and learn surfing), we should encourage them to try and give them the means to do so. It will help them see that we are and will be there for them in their own ups and downs. My husband and I are currently saving up for swimming lessons to start her dreams of becoming a surfer. (This one I wish was given to me by my parents. I so wanted to try karate or ballet, but they just flat out refused, which kinda gave me an inferiority complex of sorts, aside from not listening to my pleas that I am being bullied in school... In the end, I kinda gave up on them, hence the not so good relationship I have with my mom)

Be Honest


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Never fear to speak the Truth. Now, if you think that your son/daughter is a little too young to understand, try to explain the situation with discretion, but never sugarcoating things and still maintaining what is true. This honesty is a two way street- daughters and sons should refrain from giving white lies. How else can moms understand your situation better and give a well suited advice if you don't give the whole truth? Moms are in our lives for so many reasons including protecting us and helping us during the good and bad.

Make Time and Have Dates


Remember my first tip on listening? Now's the time to take out your list on what your child likes and dislikes and make time for activities that both of you will love. In my case, my 3 year old son loves to play with toy cars and buses and loves to pretend racing, hence I play with him at times and watch the anime Inital D which he also loves.

With my daughter, we go and bake stuff at times and I teach her how to cook hotdogs, eggs and cookies because I noticed that she loves to watch cooking shows on TV, as well as watching makeovers and spa days in Youtube.

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For the second part, we recently went to Nailaholics and Hey Sugar in Festival Mall for a day's worth of pampering. Hey Sugar offers these awesome services of Eyebrow Threading and Hot or Cold Waxing. I was there because honestly, I wanted to have my cooch cleaned up a bit, hence I tried out their Dulce De Brazilian Hot Wax services(830.00 Php)  this time because they're near my place more.

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My daughter was in awe of the cutesy and hip decor, and I loved how engaging and friendly the staff were not just to me but to my daughter. The actual procedure took around 30 minutes, and it hurt a bit at first, and most especially at the last part. But this is because the 'cooch' is the most sensitive part of a woman's body and for the last part, the wax was aimed very near my clit. #SensitiveBEH. They used organic sugar wax on me, and some VCO was applied after to help soothe the skin. Overall though, the experience is awesome because of the staff who was very understanding when I asked for a few breaks and it wasn't awkward.

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After that, my daughter Jenae and I went to Nailaholics for the actual Mother-Daughter date.

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I asked for a Palm Beach Pedicure(230 Php) for her which included nail shaping, cuticle treatment (though I asked for the ladies to not cut her cuticles) and polish, with an anti-bacterial foot soak and a restorative mini foot massage.
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She has never had nail polish ever in her entire life, and I was kinda surprised that she chose the color violet because she usually chooses pinks and reds as her favorite colors. It was her first time to try and have her nails done, and get a foot spa, and she kinda got ticklish as well. XD ...

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For me, I got their Indulgent Aqua Package(1150Php) which is basically a Manicure, Pedicure and Hand and Foot Paraffin. The attendants were very understanding with the temperature of the wax coated onto my hands, legs and foot. I chose this because I read somewhere that this helps with 'pasma' and to lessen the view of varicrose veins (which I have a lot). Also, in some weird way, the hot wax is very relaxing on the skin once wrapped with cling film and mittens. :D

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All in all, service is above par. BTW, they have Spa Party packages that you should totally check out- perfect for bonding with your moms and sisters +cousins and aunties!

Going back, building and maintaining strong bonds is healthy and refreshing. In life, when you feel you cannot trust or depend on anyone in your world, always remember your mother, or your children, is one person you can always turn to without a single hesitation.

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24 comments

  1. I think one of the things parents do is to keep giving unsolicited advises especially when children reach teenage. Think about this. You tell your mom a story and you hear a lecture. So your advises especially the first one, listen, is spot on.

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  2. For me I guess that giving support to your children and taking them with what you enjoy is one of the best bonding moments a parent and their kids could do. As for me, I think I'll be remembering what I have read in here to make sure that my future children will be as happy as yours.

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  3. I agree that our moms should be our trusted confidant. During my teenage years i was afraid to open things up coz i was thinking that maybe she'll get mad or something and worst was to share it to my Dad! But all these years ive realized that my mom is my bestfriend theres nothing i should hide and i believe that shes the only one i can trust. She gives the most valuable advise and now that i have my daughter and son i do the same. I listen to them and encourage them to be open and vical with their feelings and everything without judging...

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  4. I like the relationship when kids and parents act as bestfriends but the respect is still there. It's a give and take bond that needs effort to maintain. I am a Daddy's girl but I am working on to get the bond with my mother closer. So much things still need to develop though.

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  5. I agree. Quality time is important for our loved ones. Good to see you very hands on and supportive to your daughter. I commend you for that. I think I have to sched our pampering time with my mom na din. :)

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  6. My mom and I just got closer when I was preparing for college. That was towards the end of high school then pre-college. I was practically raised by my aunts so there's that. Yet, when we got close like almost bff level, we have a different kind of bonding. I gave her an adult coloring book and coloring materials and when she colors that, I do/practice calligraphy. Plus, we have salon trips as well. Anyway, we are closer now than ever and I love it. It's true that a bond is different between mom and child. :)

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  7. This post warms my heart. My mom and I may disagree on a lot of things, but we both know that at the end of the day, it's only family we can trust. My mom isn't the showy type, and our way of expressing our love for one another at home differs. Now that she's almost 56 though, we're getting to a middle ground. "Listen" is always true, and the truest way to actually bond with your mom/parent/child. As a young professional, I find myself often being misunderstood, and I know she experiences the same thing when we talk about "this generation's happenings". I'm closer to my dad than my mom as we share a love for a lot of the same things, but I can never remove the fact that there are things and situations where I need my mom more. :)

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  8. I couldn't agree more with everything you said here.. it's not just applicable for mothers but I guess dads can do it as well with his kids. These are all crucial in building a strong relationship with kids , something that they will truly appreciate when they grow up.. Listening to them and encouraging them on what they do will make them feel so valued.. and the time, it is really important as these are the time where you make your moments and memories together .. love love love this post!

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  9. You are spot on with these advises.
    I too have a dysfunctional relationship with my parents which is a result of the equation between me and them during my growing up years. It is so important to give that mental support to your sons and daughters when they want to follow their dreams instead of pulling them back.

    Oh and your daughter is adorable

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  10. Awww, what a lovely post that is. Your daughter is so cute , what a wonderful time to spend together , having a manicure and pedicure just like mummy :) You can tell by her face that she was mega excited. That is pure quality time , absolutely priceless , enjoy the great years when the children are little , they grow up far too fast. I am sure , you are creating a very special mother daughter/son bond.

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  11. Indeed, I couldn't agree more! That's what I also want to build that shouldn't be wrecked easily. I always see to it that whenever my son raises his concern, I always pay attention and that he should be acknowledged every time he tries to reach me. Although there are problems at home, school, and work, when I am with him, I forget all the problems.

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  12. I'm not yet a mother but I have a nephew. The happiness the children can give us is cannot be measured with money. We have to be a good listener to them and correct them when they are wrong. Whatever they want in their life, we have to listen and support them.

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  13. Indeed such a fun way to spend time with your kiddo. She must have enjoyed the day and as youve mentioned got awe on the cute design of the spa center. I wish I have a daughter to bond just like that. But then, with four boys, we bond over good food, boardgames, a walk in the park and again more good food.

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  14. do you guys go to timezone as well and play with car racing games there? How is the household with 4 boys? totoo bang magulong magulo daw? hahahaha

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  15. Hahaha. Riot. Though the boys are manageable naman. They can be real loud and messy when they seem to forget house rules. They are still kids so i let them be messy and noisy. Yup, they play at timezone while I just wait outside eating sundae and fries. :)

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  16. This hits me hard big time. My mom and I don't really have a close relationship because since I was 6 yrs old, she's been working overseas until now that I am almost on my 30's and have kids on my own. But I began to understand our situation more when I become a mom myself. I began to reach out to her even if its only online, try to update and talk to her more. I know her feeling of being away is not easy and its also not easy growing up without a mom by your side. So it is a matter of understanding each other's situation and love her no matter what. And I hoe the same for my kids, if the time that I will leave them to work for their future (just in case but I think I can't) that they will understand and will love me anyway. Because I will do everything for them just like my mom did.

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  17. you can try playing with them din, racing with them... magugulat ka on how fun it is. When my dad or mom joins in on our races, my siblings and I feel that we get more fun. especially if natatalo namin sila, but it's also cool pag nanalo yung parents namin (which is most of the time haha)

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  18. My mom and I had issues but we're OK na. As for my kids, I am always busy at work but I try to make it a point that I talk to them each night, kwentuhan lang, help them with their homework, etc. Every friday, we go out and bond. Before, I can't say no to my kids, so I always give it to almost all of their requests. I grew up without having anything so i thought that I should try my best to give material things to my kids but that's so wrong talaga.

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  19. Wow, you're a true treasure for every mother. Thank you for sharing all your knowledge about raising children and how they should maintain the closeness with parents. This is such a good read and amazing insights.

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  20. Taht's so cute how you take dates with your daughter. It's even more adorable when you picked the salon as your bonding time. A little lady out there obviously enjoying. Cheerish the moment while they're young. :)

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  21. I have a four yeah old daughter and she's more on the father side, but we do bond and talk, your advice in listening is verb good, we as parents must listen to our kids, in that way it can boost their confidence and make the more open to us parents as well.

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